Phaerie was born to Ruby Clouter, most likely in a bar, and was immediately passed off to her aunt and uncle. Ruby was young, unattached, and very deep into drugs with no desire to settle down and take care of her child. Phae wasn’t much better off with her aunt and uncle—Lorraine Clouter had married a white man who started off more ignorant than actively racist. But once Lorraine was married to and dependent on him, he just got worse and worse.
To make a bad situation worse, her uncle’s loser friends would always hang around and make inappropriate comments about any female in the general area—Phaerie, even before she hit puberty, was not safe from their gross comments. She spent a lot of time exploring their neighborhood and avoiding her family. It was in part due to this that she met Dhaun. His home life was similarly shitty and the two bonded over that—even as kids, they felt like the world was against them and they had to fight against the systems that kept them so miserable.
Phaerie and Dhaun spent all their time together and pushed each other to become stronger, smarter, faster, and more creative. They lived in their own little bubble, and since they were surrounded by people with such messed up lives the two of them started to believe that they were SPECIAL. They believed that their rough upbringing made them more aware of the world around them—their cynicism supposedly made them smarter and better than people who had it better than them. But, they were also better than the people who they grew up with by the soul virtue of their anger.
As preteens, they made friends with some older teenagers (who just wanted to groom the two and bring them into their shitty gang) and were introduced to punk music. They were so fascinated by the loud, angry punks of the 60’s who were seemingly unaffected by the negativity around them—if anything, it just made their work better and their lifestyle more ‘cool’. It was then that the two decided they wanted to make music—they were angry with the world and wanted to make sure everyone heard them scream about it.
Dhaun and Phaerie spent as much time with their new, older friends as possible. They drank, they partied, they smoked, they did whatever they were told to do. They felt that their self-destructive behavior would make them more tortured and thus give them better material to work with.
It was around the time they started high school that Phaerie’s mother wandered back into her life. Ruby had been in and out of rehab for many years, and Phae had been bouncing around between houses in their neighborhood. Ruby attempted to overdose, but was found before she was too far along to come back. She sustained permanent damage from the overdose and was institutionalized after the attempt (at the request of her family). Phaerie was told this, and forced to live exclusively with her aunt and uncle again (where her mother would be moved when released from the institution). She went along with this for a month, but left in the middle of the night after a relative attempted to molest her. She beat the shit out of him and left to find Dhaun immediately after.
She kept most of her things at the house and would come home to eat, but spent all of her time with Dhaun. He’d moved in with a mutual friend and was doing odd jobs for them, attending school only enough to get by. He and Phaerie finally became a couple at this point. They’d been best friends for so long, they were attracted to each other, and they were living life as crazily as possible. At some point sleeping together seemed like a good idea. Then it was just a matter of needing intimacy and being available to each other. Sure, they eventually had sex with other people, but it was together and there were certain rules that couldn’t be broken.
High school went by quickly. Whenever Phae went home she would have to deal with harassment from a handful of greasy white assholes and verbal abuse from her mother, and would immediately go to do something stupid and destructive to with her boyfriend. They would fail classes and grind through summer school just to get by, and eventually it was time to graduate. It was then that the two of them had to evaluate their lives.
Dhaun had been involved in a lot of shit he didn’t want to devote his life to. He made good money and he had a reputation as someone you didn’t want to fuck with. But, seeing how people like him ended up (either dead or stuck in their shitty neighborhood forever) and seeing his classmates move away made him want to break away too… Starting with Phaerie. Their relationship had been fun, the sex was nice, and they were extremely close friends. But, deep down he knew that he didn’t want to commit to her forever. He felt that she would always be stuck in their little neighborhood and she was more than happy to keep partying and slinging drugs for the rest of her life. Even the music she seemed to care about less and less as they started getting more and more into drugs. He also feared that she was going down the same path as her mother, and breaking up with her would make it harder for her to get her fix.
Soon after graduation, he found a willing person and had sex with them in his and Phaerie’s bed. He slept with them all night, left their things all over the room—he made no effort to hide anything, and in fact made it EASIER to find. He wanted to be caught. He wanted Phaerie to want nothing to do with him. He felt that the easiest way to push her away was to become one of the many men who’d disappointed and disrespected her.
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